05 May Depth and Gratitude
“We do not grow absolutely chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” ~Anaïs Nin
We are often drawn to unknown aspects of the future. The mind, in a creative way, imagines ways in which life could be different. How it could change. How our surroundings, routines, our people may slip through our fingers. In an attempt to be mindful, to savor the present moment, I sit here and welcome a reflection about all I have. All of which might change or remain the same, challenging the passing of time.
Growing up, I don’t remember often getting what I wanted. In fact, the things or people I desired most rarely became mine. And yet, I allowed them to define me. Only now realizing I always had all I needed and more. Love. Care. Shelter. Experiences. Access to knowledge and adventure and nature. Devotion, even if from those I then found suffocating and to whom I did not show much appreciation. And losses, which allowed me to re-wire and re-shift internal paradigms, setting a before and after point in my life.
When we give energy to what we lack, to what’s not achieved, to what has been lost, we neglect the lessons and the growth that comes during phases of struggle. Nothing fosters strength, self love and compassion like these, may I dare to emphasize, temporary moments of pain and loss.
Today I challenge this intrinsic human tendency. I am grateful for all I have, and for all I had and once failed to appreciate. Grateful for the experiences that shaped me, and those that propelled me forward. For the books I read under the shade of mango and coconut trees. For having the opportunity to learn culinary recipes passed on from generations ago. For the hearts that welcomed and nourished my innocence. For the ones I broke while breaking mine in the process. For the goodbyes I had the courage to say, and the new opportunities I had the wisdom to chase. For my intuition, and the inspiration given to me from high above. For the doors I decided to open and the chapters I decided to end.
“Growth is not linear.” We are constantly learning, changing, evolving. I like to think this ongoing process called journey is meant to help us return home to our true selves.
For all you have experienced, for all you now have, and for all you are yet to receive_ I welcome you to cherish it with a grateful heart.